Once, selling yourself was a monopoly for hookers and politicians, but today, with the democratization of whoring, everyone’s a brand. Here’s how to start acting like one:
Line extension — The key here is not be all things to all people, but to take up shelf space. By nurturing the multiple personalities within, it’s entirely possible to seize ubiquity in any niche you like, and even invent some of your own. One of my unique-selling-myself propositions, for instance, is that I am able to pull particles of my subconscious from my untrimmed sideburn hair. By mentioning this skill I am able to end unfruitful conversations in an instant, a “superpower” many prospective employers are likely to crave.
Your body, your out-of-home media — Your physical being is nothing but a vessel. No, not for your “soul,” but for your media. What do your clothes say about you? Your handshake? Your car? Who cares? Such cues are far too subtle. Consider having a snipe or starburst tattooed on your forehead. Make sure it “pops.”
Be new and improved — The best way to be a better you is to be more positive. Just say “yes.” If a coworker asks, “Is my ass too big in these pants?” answer “Oh, yes, gigantic. It could be annexed by local government.”
Friends are your target — and your audience, your brand ambassadors, your street advocates. It’s important to manage every touch point. Invite them to join your loyalty program and reward them with bonus doses of you. Follow up all friend-engagement incidents with a personal request to have them fill out a survey asking “How am I doing as your friend?”
Sponsor an event — It doesn’t matter what — Left Turns Only Day, Value-Menu Appreciation Day, The Dust Bunny Rodeo. The key is to have your brand all over the event. People love commercialization!
Once you adjust how you think of yourself in marketing terms, you’re sure to come up with other new and exciting strategies. And that’s how you build a brand new brand you!™ (Note: I would like to reassure readers that there was a poll here, and it actually had responses before one of my many blog adventures erased them.
