Fred Leo

I think this is an improvement to the current Acura commerial.

fred — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 20:37:25 +0000

My fave kind of commercial.

fred — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 23:01:32 +0000

I love everything about this Dish spot. First it makes very little sense.Dropping out a window is an action nonsequitur to the news one can save money by spreading the word about an offer, but beyond that, the casting is great, and I love how you hear the room echo. So basically, the kind of spot I love is the kind whose appeal I can’t really explain.

Protected: An idea

fred — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 23:02:08 +0000

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-09-09

fred — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 22:52:00 +0000

If it sounds too good to be true, it might be a toilet seat. http://t.co/N9wGvPXO #
"If you believe in a free country and a free press, why do we have a state broadcasting system at all?" — Antony Jay http://t.co/o7hbfnWD #
@zoneviii Since you're the first customer, I'll throw in some free dipping cheese. in reply to zoneviii #
Didn't know Bonnie Bramlett was so active. These tracks sound fantastic. http://t.co/zvXxqWag Her daughter's no slouch, either. #
My new washer started making sounds just like a headboard in a colege dorm room. #
Pizza with cheese *in the cheese!* — run with it, pizza chains. #
Unemployment for 55+ jumps 103%. http://t.co/mM5sVDN1 #
This election is a choice — between lying lips and your lying eyes. #
Caroline Kennedy also looks a lot like Michael Rennie http://t.co/LllMqUCn #
Caroline Kennedy has the voice dynamics of an electrolux. #
I have a vague memory of seeing Caroline Kennedy's locker when I toured Putney. Big plastic flower decal on it. They didn't accept me, btw. #
It really i*is* just wonderful to see Gabby Giffords. #
An ebook and an album with a value pricing scheme for all political stripes. http://t.co/17zK1w2v – http://t.co/RV59N4rg #
Foo Fighters are emoting relentlessly. Tragic they just can't just make peace with the Foo. #
Here's my suggestion for tonight's DNC event. Obama should come out and sing this. http://t.co/Mx6w6QHd #
So the president hadn't read the platform of his party. That's encouraging. Sort of follows the pattern of the the healthcare bill, though. #
Debbie Wasserman Shultz lied, but media decide that's not news. They might be right. #
Just found out my astrological sign is incompatible with my son's. Next month he'll be told that's why I'm not sending him money. #
Someone wants a clairvoyant teleprompter. http://t.co/G8LycQqo #
RT @zoneviii: What are good post-advertising careers? Are there any? I second that question. #
@RockstrNinjaGrl Because you smell good, like peaches! in reply to RockstrNinjaGrl #
That teleprompter is amazing! It can mishear a voice vote before the speaker can! http://t.co/ew9MVLk6 #
Low rider don't use no gas now. Low rider don't drive too fast. So it's kind of a trade-off, really. #
Any iwork pages people out there? Can you tell my why thumbnails lost their icons? http://t.co/R98HQXXO #
@jetpacks Please add the question-as-headline to that list. in reply to jetpacks #
Watching Clinton gave me flashbacks of the internet stock gold rush. Still waiting for my delivery from webvan. #
Setting up a charity to buy Villaraigosa a miracle-ear. #
Listening to various dems explain the platform change. Not only aren't they on the same page, they're not in the same book. #
True about Joe Montana, at least until Hannah. #
Jason Biggs tweet confused me. I thought "Totes" was an umbrella, footwear, and accessory brand. Luckily, my son explained it to me. #
You hardly ever hear about dyslexics committing murder-suicides. #
Ladies, you're in serious trouble. According to Amazon, the hot new look this fall is levitation. http://t.co/Qt5Qwaap #
Sandra Fluke just sacked Tony Romo. Oh, sorry. Wrong channel… #
"The choices we have to make this fall is a critical one." — Steny Hoyer, grammarian #
No balloons, I guess, but I hope instead they drop 16 t trillion IOUs to China. #
Uh…is this what a bloodless coup looks like? http://t.co/4FJhLN2P! #
RT @MajoratNJ: Convention security gives me the creeps. The paranoid kind. This week's #AllPowers column. http://t.co/VsPeRQYV #
Exciting how the DNC is changing their platform from day to day. I think the central planners must be stoned. #
Asked Bill Ayers how to radicalize my condo association. Not a peep, not even a *narrative.!* http://t.co/FPXwQheq #
Debbie Wasserman Schultz finally made me laugh. http://t.co/KCmtDpvj #
As I understand it, the DNC neglected to put "God" in their platform, then canceled an outdoor event for fear of being struck by lightning. #
Glad I got this to you guys before lunch. http://t.co/V0jLJGnr #
RT @koogmo: @everysandwich "The Devil Wore a Blue Stained Dress." Nice! #
Laughing 'cause newest fans of my little tune about D.C. 's failures http://t.co/27W5FdUb come from Greece and Mexico. #
Probably need to work on my reputation as an email target. http://t.co/JhWheNi4 #
MT @SooperMexican: ***Wow. Compare word clouds from @MichelleObama's speech and @AnnDRomney's speech: http://t.co/NSSH8cBw #
@brian_sack Did you move to Springfield? in reply to brian_sack #
@zoneviii Glad you like it! The Son Unit found it and loved it. I merely stole it. in reply to zoneviii #
Clinton's still working on his speech and the DNC is just hoping it's not titled "50 Shades of Bubba." #
@HeyHosey Please let us know when you wash them before putting them in the dishwasher. in reply to HeyHosey #
Wow, even Iran's new centrifuges can't spin this fast. http://t.co/U828GHAu #
China delegation insisted on applauding our 16 trillion in debt. I think it was applause. They might have been slapping iphones together. #
"We all make mistakes," said the former crack dealer of the late coke dealer who murdered untold numbers. http://t.co/ccgXLaSe #
@HeyHosey Or it just wants to extend the panic in reply to HeyHosey #
If someone's leading from behind, do you have to turn around and walk backwards to follow them? #confused #
Good times. http://t.co/AmGHYEjJ #
When people say "You haven't changed a bit," is it an insult or compliment? #
Decided to make up offensive things about myself just to pre-empt twitter spam. #
I have this track an Jango, and it's not surprising how many fans come from Italy and Greece. http://t.co/AYX3Hxar #
Ed Bernays is thrilled with these times, and he's dead, so it's a little creepy. #
Am I better off than I was 4 years ago?…..well, to be fair, this *is* day 176 of not accidentally sending the kettlebell through the TV. #
Asked Sandy Berger to shoplift me a pot roast. Never heard back. http://t.co/wAeMxqxp #
I've now self-published an ebook *and* an album. So my eulogy will be *extra* depressing! #
Can't wait to watch the DNC and find out how everything better, except for me and everyone I know. #
This wine hints of drywall dust with spunky construction adhesive overtones. Housing Boom Cabernet Sauvingon , thumbs up! #
Beards as fake jawlines. Please stop. #
Watched 90 minutes of Spielberg's "Into the West." So far I'd say it needs a giant shark. #
RT @Joi: Apple Moves One Step Closer Toward Location-Based Camera Disabling http://t.co/ZSIhsXML via notawesome@media #
So the nyt ombudsman says they have liberal skew. literally, the nyt was scooped here by all earthlings. #
I guess protesting is like tailgating now. http://t.co/P2kv3Dvv #
Let's exaggerate until the cows come home. #
Creativity in advertising, exhibit C. http://t.co/3Yeex6Q4 #
RT @subjectobject: Breaking News: Pheidippides endorses Obama campaign. | Damn, they're having to reach way back there. #
@technogeeks Outstanding! in reply to technogeeks #
I'd love to see those Greek columns again at the DNC, but only if they're done by the lady who did Spinal Tap's stonehenge. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-09-02

fred — Sun, 02 Sep 2012 22:52:00 +0000

I feel safer. http://t.co/jeXG1FcY #
Horrible nightmare. I paid a home monitoring service every month and no one tried to rob me. #
@greggutfeld And people say investigative journalism is dead. in reply to greggutfeld #
Wow, I bet Elizabeth Warren is 1/32 pissed about this! http://t.co/Xz7Nv5aJ #
Some cool music in AMC's "Hell on Wheels." Like this http://t.co/AQMP39iI #
There's going to be a follow-up! http://t.co/Z2KWMhow #
Just connected with a Pet Rock through this ouija board. Still not much of a conversationalist. #
wow — weeks or months to get approved for itunes connect? Please. #
It's time to pimp my album. "waving at the drones over foreclosed homes" — American Blues http://t.co/O4Mu9fOT #
I have to give Maher credit, for maybe the first time in my life. http://t.co/2Td4hrDW #
I'm afraid of what my brain will do if I hear chants of "four…more…years!" and then replay the actual past 4 years. #
@AlbertBrooks He's a coward. Also, an orangutan. in reply to AlbertBrooks #
There is a serious market vacuum for an objective news source. People are time-crunched and can't waste it verifying and corroborating. #
Just saw the Jason Biggs thing. http://t.co/XZHxUJO4 Well, the ninja turtles live in a sewer and they *are* mutant. *Disturbingly* mutant. #
A little sad Cynthia McKinney, Alan Grayson and Anthony Weiner probably won't be at the DNC convention. #
Hope they catch this "terrist" dognapper. People are so disappointing. Dogs, very rarely. http://t.co/jy6VHwFl #
RT @pants: Looks like the cashier is attractive. I better avoid eye contact and round my shoulders forward to let her know I'm interested. #
@brian_sack re wine glass. Weird. That just happened to me yesterday. in reply to brian_sack #
Burning Man highlights. http://t.co/x64abc8L #
@koogmo Yeah, know the drill. It took me decade to find an honest and competent mechanic here. Finding the Titanic I'm sure was easier. in reply to koogmo #
Twitter is changing my opinion of humanity. #
Imagining hearing a dying 14-year-old saying "And to my friend Brad, I bequeath my skateboard." That's with you for life, top directory. #
@koogmo Yeah, they do get pricey. I've actually gone back to changing my own oil. Fuck this economy. in reply to koogmo #
MT @pants: "Looks like you're writing a new tweet! Do you really need to post it or are you just seeking approval?" – Clippy for Twitter. #
@koogmo eh, should have been able to do $140 if where you bought tires rotates free, and I'm assuming synthetic oil. in reply to koogmo #
@CalEvans You're right. Suggestion retracted. in reply to CalEvans #
@CalEvans Love that coffee shop-hipster concept. Can you make on online graph of blogging mentions to measure success? in reply to CalEvans #
Imaginary characters are time honored. Bob Newhart started that way. MSNBC should get that. Their imaginary character is an audience. #
RT @senorwinces: Just ran into Ann Romney at Costco. What a bitch.| Thanks, for the report, Juan Williams. #
All you folks who sing and record at home will appreciate this Dylan vid. http://t.co/yRDCCIz4 #
Charlie Crist's weathervane will tell you exactly which way the wind was blowing 4 years ago. #
David Chalian says it was a joke, a joke, you see? So, he's got a head start on his new career in stand-up. http://t.co/JBApmoMy #
MT @ShawnPaulWood: Isn't it some sick irony that I haven't earned enough money from my labor to go on a Labor Day vacation?! #prayforme #
If you must fart in the grocery, do it by the bleu cheese. #lifetips #
@jetpacks http://t.co/6EQM5Blo "And eventually they'll catch on to your game and replace you with an intern." genius in reply to jetpacks #
MT @lanyardquirk: Pre-order @DCpierson's book CRAP KINGDOM soon and he will write your name into a rap like this http://t.co/ZIIG3CvJ #
@rayadverb Excellent report. http://t.co/FEjoEfHl I hope you're going to Charlotte, too. #
Haha, Gawker. http://t.co/yEmwfnKp #
"The officer says Wilson was swaying and asked to do yoga poses instead of a field sobriety test." http://t.co/Y8Mf1fRi #
"This Simulated Life" pitch: Egg Beaters, turkey sausage, light English Muffins. Later, Guitar Hero, Second Life and light petting. #
Remember, to underachieve spectacularly , you must always aim unrealistically high. #
Driving a herd of sloths from San Antone to Abilene. Horse keeps asking, "Are we there yet?" #
When I fave the wrong tweet, it's always as embarrassing as the tweet I meant to fave is cool. #
RT @subjectobject: GOP. LOL! Mitt Romney, Extreme. LOL! #
C'mon, Google. You let me down. http://t.co/68SNTReC #
MT @pants: 32 years after Raging Bull Robert De Niro sits pool side and chuckles softly as he thumbs through a copy of Meet the Fockers 4. #
I'm waiting for the telescoping iPad. #
RT @RoyKeDa: If you want my opinion, pay me to blog about it. | Tha kind of attitude could shut down the whole machine! Nicely done! #
When I look at the quality of my made-in-China toilet seat, I worry for their astronauts in the intended moon mission. #
@stephfierman heh — Great title for that story: "Complicated" in reply to stephfierman #
Every once in a while it's fun to turn down the TV and crank up Helen Reddy's "I am Woman" during a Swiffer commercial. #
Romney picks Jack Ryan for VP. — How's that, NBC? Good enough for a job there? #
"I'm a man. I spell m-a-n. Man" Bo Diddly, spelling bee champion #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-08-26

fred — Sun, 26 Aug 2012 22:52:00 +0000

I once accidentally walked NYC all morning with my wife's panties peeking from my jean cuffs. So I've made the world a better place. #
I really hope they bring out the Greek columns for the Dem convention. Togas would be good, too. #
It took 3 days, but pages-to-epub export and I have at last come to an agreement. But we're not on one another's Christmas card list. #
These low-cut footies were a mistake. After so many wash cycles, they're just toe socks. May you learn from my mistakes. #
Okay, Pages to ePub, youhave defeated me. #
The RIAA is considering taking back #1 hits that were written while the artists were stoned. #
@GrupGirl You know, you have a little song lyric there, thanks to the bacon/syndication rhyme. in reply to GrupGirl #
Any Apple geeks have a tip on why an mp3 vanishes in the export from iwork Pages to ePub3? #
Who's up for some hard-core *abiding?! *YeaaaahhHH!!! (sign of the horns) #
Dear creative writing class: This is your raw material. I'll need to see your short stories by Tuesday. http://t.co/tTQFbIak #
Always good to have a well-stocked pedalboard. http://t.co/je3I7ma7 #
@zoneviii sad face caption: "Im sorry, no bonus or raise, but here's a new title, more responsibility, and a piece of popcorn. in reply to zoneviii #
"You look like a woman who could rub a brisket." #cookoffpickuplines #
Guar gum. It's not just for breakfast anymore. This important reminder brought to you by the Association of Guar Gum Ranchers #
RT @ajc: Suspect in shooting death of ex-GSU soccer player … http://t.co/JEzABPPa | This guy? http://t.co/mIyK35rs #
I thought this *was* recession. You mean this was *recovery?* http://t.co/vuP1qjzd #
The 16 people who dislike the Turbo Encapsulator vid http://t.co/8286Fi3X are the ones who organize wallets at the teller window. #
@benjaminkorman SCOTUS soccer? in reply to benjaminkorman #
Listerine-flavored floss. Benefit or warning? #
Love for Levon concert: http://t.co/GXHbkLOE Check the lineup. That's a lotta love. #
I'd put the performance of the press over the last four years right up there with the halftime show by the Blackeyed Peas. #
Text message campaign donations. http://t.co/p4H1njh1 Now, if we could only get Ryan Seacrest to moderate the debates. #
RT @swollenvoice: I've started using both sides of toilet paper. | That's a powerful economic indicator #
I can't find any titles shown on Netflix signup page http://t.co/B1645aVk in the actual Netflix library. Suspect wormhole. #
RT @laina622: An old picture I thought I'd share with the Twitter world. Goodnight. Tweet dreams. See what I did there? http://t.co/nMEt4mHX #
RT @brianadamsboone: According to the Chicago Manual of Style, nobody really knows what time it is. #
Don Novello as Galileo http://t.co/HyAnuESB #
@DennisDMZ Miller? What the hell are you doing here? I thought I saw you explode in Hawaii? in reply to DennisDMZ #
I *will,* bank. Just as soon as someone fixes the economy http://t.co/UpgIYXuH #
@whpresscorps "GOP" growth? I think they mean GDP. in reply to whpresscorps #
Dog on duty. http://t.co/jKAK2MZj #
I wish someone would do something about the traffic on the Road to Ruin. #
"If you don't have money, why have a budget?" — Congress #
MT @lanyardquirk: Today as I was leaving my boss's office, I thought about my mom and instead of saying "See you later" I said "I love you" #
MT @zoneviii: RT @TheBeanCast: When did we forget that a proper and effective response to crazy politicians spouting nonsense is, "Yo mama?" #
RT @laina622: Hahahahahaha “@IDigCrzyChicks: @laina622 http://t.co/laCuN8ja That's the guy you like from the Olympics.” #
Doing my part to clarify the language. Instead of "What were you thinking" I'm going with "Why weren't you thinking?" #
Just when we had manifesto proliferation under control, open letters start spreading like kudzu. #
Pretty sure I have the worst dental insurance available. They paid $178.80 out of $835.00 #
RT @jimhanas: @olympiapress: @jimhanas @MatthewDiener Hell yeah. Been that way since Epub 2. You can pack anything in there Thanks! #
Dear Library of Congress: I was complimented today on my dental hygiene. Please make sure this is in my permanent file. #
I'm going to run for office just so I can say "I'm off to do the people's business" when I leave meetings to take a crap. #
RT @GrupGirl: Best newspaper corrections blurb I've ever read: http://t.co/ttGZNr5e | Easy mistake to make, I suppose. #
My dental hygienist sneezed so rhythmically today I though she was calibrating some pneumatic dental tool. #
@jetpacks Wait long enough, and there's a good chance you can get real black-framed glasses. in reply to jetpacks #
"Most people did not recognize the Curiosity laser test as the beginning of Skynet…" Future historian #
Said-meant-heard: http://t.co/L9T48KvZ #
Salmon for breakfast. Just for you, dental hygienist. #
eBay's banning the magical: http://t.co/Yg0X6Pia With this policy my best ad might never have been! http://t.co/sYJ3tbUt #
Enlightening story on how Harry Reid got rich. http://t.co/fEN8is3c #
Wow http://t.co/x0M0JNmW #
As a public service I will not tweet the details of today's workout. Please reciprocate. #
"Free as a Bird" George Harrison's slide still knocks me out on this. http://t.co/zD4xrHTM #
http://t.co/gb8j777A — Recession friendly! http://t.co/MZZVfrtL #
MT @OleThickHawk: When I steal my neighbor's newspaper, I leave the one that I stole the day before. Does that make me a hero? Probably. #
Just got back from the Laissez Faire, and it was no Cirque du Soliel. Nothing I hadn't seen before. #
Dear Harvard: Analysis? http://t.co/cIPWITr0 #
Someone our family knows was shot and killed after chasing down a drunk who hit and ran. Fuck this town. Might as well be Chicago. #
RT @emoblues: @DLoesch Can I ask you to RT? It's a benefit for cancer and all proceeds go to the family of this man. http://t.co/hPZvArHb #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-08-19

fred — Sun, 19 Aug 2012 22:52:00 +0000

Pretty sure I snored a kickass "Another Brick in the Wall" last night, yet, no credible witnesses. #
RT @subjectobject: My ducks are all in a row! http://t.co/BS0Cf2uz | Once you get columns, you can start on a marching band! #
RT @adchick22: All in all, a pretty sad and shitty day. Thanks for asking. | It's been going around. #
Pieces of a big brick mailbox and scraps of car in the road this a.m. Last month someone drove into a foundation. Is Lindsay Lohan in town? #
Slow down and think a minute, technology. http://t.co/AAVmBLnk #
Humor in the face of adversity, courtesy of Flo and Eddie http://t.co/eHImpGP5 #
Long term forecast: "Meh" with chance of afternoon and evening "ugh" #
I dunno, it's a tossup between tweets about workouts and tweets about lunch. #
I think what I love most about Iran is not being anywhere near it. http://t.co/ry9AIJSe #
RT @raywylie: goddamit! i just went to my http://t.co/4V0wQHLW south of the river video & an eric church ad popped up. How did…. #
"Oh, Baltimore, man it's hard, just a little" — how my son and friend at 5 bellowed Randy Newman's song in the car. http://t.co/gAxQtUPP #
My second guitar in Dreamville: Ladies and gentlemen, the Kapa Continental! http://t.co/AZU2eI8R #
I don't even know what a fake twitter follower is. Are they like thought holograms? #
Well, this about the coolest thing I've read all month. http://t.co/5r06i1S4 #tompetty #
RT @TheFactsBook: Studies suggest unhappy people watch more TV. | When are those studies showing up on my TV? Nothing in the channel guide. #
@dabitch 12% inactive in reply to dabitch #
Told wife our dog has "Wilford-Brimley-Ass," a reference to his stash. She asked, "How do you know about Wilford Brimley's ass?" #
@dabitch will do, if it ever stops beachballing the current search in reply to dabitch #
@dabitch I have 4% so if want to borrow my fakes I can try to smoke them out. How many inactive did you have? in reply to dabitch #
You can mix gluten with anti-bacterial soap, but first you have to pass a background check. #
@HeyHosey If you're talking tumblecats, I'm in. in reply to HeyHosey #
Twitter. Where your weltschmerz is someone else's schadenfreude. #
Bridges have really put the whole ferry industry in sharp decline. #
That time when the Stones sounded UnStones: http://t.co/1HTcIx5H . This 1 more like Neil Diamond. Also "Her face is like a sail?" #
I find unicorns insulting to pandas and dolphins. #
Nice to know that life at an ad agency hasn't changed much. http://t.co/kTgZerRq #
I avoided chemistry in school, and now the "Breaking Bad" retirement plan is impossible. Make good choices, people! #
Cut Across Shorty — Cochran https://t.co/rDkRHMOR and Stewart http://t.co/8rOKI03C #
about 1/3 of my followers haven't tweeted for two years, so I assume they're dead and will be voting. #
Obama said he has not been able to sample enough Mexican food to have an opinion. That's totally affecting my vote. #
Each time Biden speaks, Quayle face palms. #
After yesterday's crash reports on luxury cars I had a good time today smirking at people in Audis. #
The internet is 99.9999999998 % notes in bottles that no one reads because they're too busy writing notes and stuffing them in bottles. #
I think in cases of commercials like this, instead of "credits" we should call it "blame." http://t.co/UWKSqQeU #
So true. http://t.co/2Ltp5QYi #
@badbanana Any box wine big enough to obscure the Vodka bottle. in reply to badbanana #
Because, Dave Clark 5, kind of reminds me of Nick Lowe http://t.co/w2l3roTU #
Starting a new hashtag: OFFS, for oh, for f***"s sake, e.g. http://t.co/6aciufTg #OFFS #
"Love. It's what makes a Subaru a Subaru." n And we thought we knew what love is, hah! #
Eh, who really needs an optimal endocrine system anyway. http://t.co/Go4JApNb #
After that convo about the economy with the warehouse club clerk , it was tempting to pull out of the lot and aim for a bridge abutment #
At this point, election spots have to be the most inefficient ad buys ever. Millions spent to reach, what, 5 undecided people? #
Just realized my elbows can do a pretty persuasive imitation of castanets. #
Local shootout at a Family Dollar Store. #economicindicator #
Is there a "Tell me about my grandchildren" bumper sticker? #
Bad news is wife's salary was just cut 20% , plus higher health insurance. Good news is Michelle approves of the beans & rice we're eating. #
RT @AlbertBrooks: Here's an easy thing we can do to start with. Change the name of Lynchburg, Va.| What do you have against ferrymen? #
RT @HeyHosey: Riding By the Old Toilet Factory — 5 second movie about my commute | They really should have tried making *new* toilets. #
Manufacturing may be stifled, but this country is *still* number one in third rails. #
@AdscamGeorge That whole passage would have really sung if she'd mentioned the 258 ft-lbs of torque. in reply to AdscamGeorge #
This http://t.co/SIsv2Iz7 might be the perfect art for the song http://t.co/fVC6mpRT #
Prediction: Janet Napolitano as technical adviser for upcoming steamy HBO series, "Fire and I.C.E." http://t.co/RLC7CuUT #
@zoneviii And now I'm pissed there are so few episodes! in reply to zoneviii #
A decade late, I discover a really well done show: Firefly http://t.co/or3gwIZH #
Yeah, I'd be a-drankin' too. http://t.co/NwOBH5yJ http://t.co/dp0WDP06 #
@DanaPerino "The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!" http://t.co/590rtwSC in reply to DanaPerino #
Looking into geting one of those "lifestyle" things. #
I can't clorox the Recovery Act's $10,000 sign from my brain. http://t.co/dd4cdbm7 #
RT @PawsofManhattan: @everysandwich What's the best way to keep a pup cool during this heat wave? | Cryogenics and subsequent reanimation. #
"Curiosity" just got a major software upgrade. And now none of it's Adobe Creative Suite apps work. #
iLoks are like speedbumps. Inconvenience and expense for all caused by the poor behavior of a few. #
@brian_sack Well, no amount of money and no "contractual obligations" can defend Progressive's reputation on that one. in reply to brian_sack #
RT @brian_sack: And now the English know how @Progressive Insurance operates http://t.co/dijAQ2O2 #
@DennisDMZ The next phase is to cancel before the treatment. in reply to DennisDMZ #
I'll need to see the tax returns of every celebrity who weighs in for this election so I'll know if I should hate them as 1 percenters. #
It's hard taking traffic calming measures from the rich and giving them to the poor. Yet no respect from other heroic populist legends. #
When people ask our dog's breen, we tell them Icelandic Glacier Collie. #
@mfrost503 Close enough! I have renewed faith in their generation. in reply to mfrost503 #
Why the hell isn't there a dance yet called the Drag and Drop? #
Let's not forget that Curiosity won the 2012 Mars Olympics. It should be endorsing something. #
Damn, almost missed a self-pimp! Speaking of Yamaha, the guits on this were through the THR-10. Yamaha ebay bass, too . http://t.co/fVC6mpRT #
Best $20 earbuds I've heard so far? Yamaha EPH-20BR In-Ear Headphones. I have the impression the sound people at Yamaha give a crap. #
Might have to switch fertilizers. http://t.co/o57PFbch #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-08-12

fred — Sun, 12 Aug 2012 22:52:00 +0000

@prosperouscheat And if we didn't, how much would it really matter? We haven't even had a budget for four years. in reply to prosperouscheat #
Here, try this delicious mango-cyanide tragedy. http://t.co/UldCeB79 #
Journalists keep calling their dispatches "stories," which these days might be accurate, given how much fiction is involved. #
Righty-tighty, lefy-Lucy! Do you *hear* me? For God's sake, righty-tighty, lefty-Lucy" #deathbedrehearsal #
I'm seeing an awful lot of fonts that belong on feminine hygiene products. #
I want that job investigating the ethics of Maxine Waters. Apparently you get paid $500,000 and there's no deadline. http://t.co/EJA5m8pW #
So when the Obama team calls someone radical, is it supposed to be a compliment or an insult? I'm confused. #
The bell tree's natural habitat is the direct response commercial. #
I didn't know Church Lady had a daughter. http://t.co/BWzKMXMO #
@prosperouscheat viewship! in reply to prosperouscheat #
As the wife entered the room with the vacuum I said to the dog, "We gotta move. Here comes the big bad sucking machine." #unsaidpunchlines #
And today, all pretense was lost forevermore. http://t.co/YVOlQvSG #
My thoughts and prayers are with the entire cut-and-paste community. http://t.co/rQ3yF40S #
When Ryan says "Get us back on the right track" I hear Chris Farley and imagine America living in a van down by the river. #
@adchick22 Just try to remember it all for a Norman Lear script in reply to adchick22 #
"Waiter, this ground pepper is stale!" Just practicing being a pompous ass in case I win the lottery or something. #
@DennisDMZ I love the tote board idea. And just to make it more horrifying, put it in comic sans. in reply to DennisDMZ #
@MMMcDermott Does he have a big Muppet head in his lap? in reply to MMMcDermott #
For future reference, a major 7th chord is "the pretty one." http://t.co/obG3RIaN D minor, of course, remains the "saddest chord." #
I'm searching for truth about a product with an affiliate program. If I'm not back in two hours, send a rescue party. #
@adchick22 You trooper! in reply to adchick22 #
I enjoyed reading this review of Thesis. http://t.co/rTzNKR1T #
Headline: "U.S. banks told to make plans for preventing collapse." So, good morning! #
One thing I've learned from this election cycle is that you can be viciously attacked for possibly having a good accountant. #
Turns out, way more things are make-believe than I thought. #
The term "localhost" kind of appeals to the partying agoraphobic in me. #
Just succeeded in setting up a localhost development server. Terrified I've crossed some kind of geek line. Oh no, just pushed glasses up… #
Top 2 stories in Marketwatch email: Why we should lower our expectations for success and how owning too much stuff causes stress. #
It's kind of reassuring to know Mars looks exactly like 50s-60s scifi. #
Love those spots that open with the talent pretending to be interrupted: "Oh, hi! I'm waxing my car, but it's a great time to talk.." #
@zoneviii Yeah, we're washing the rest in Dawn and hoping for the best. If I don't make it, you can have my dog. in reply to zoneviii #
I dunno, Sams Club, something about this lime in the bag I just bought doesn't look quite right. http://t.co/cZNseFOC #
A dialog between Bob Beckel and Joe Biden might beat that Hunter Thompson interview with Keith Richards. http://t.co/GF4Runpe #
We live on hope. That's why we *look* after we pick our nose. You never know, there might be a lottery ticket up there. #
What if we're all just slightly customized templates? #
In "The Turning Point," http://t.co/knN5Y7Dd they looped a schort scene. Smoke returns to a cig. Eye for detail, you can go away now. #
Half of baby boomers don't expect to be able to retire. http://t.co/HE0aI7Yy The other half don't expect to be able to find work. #
Beginning to think the Occupy Wall Street movement is still going strong, it's just that they're all at the DMV. #
I used to think I'd want to get into political advertising, but I think I'll just go straight into the international heroin trade. #
At 2:09 "Nothing stands in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change" Comments disabled http://t.co/pE9qMBLT #
"I can't grow up, 'cause I'm too old now." McMurtry http://t.co/HGn7PSjx! #
@RockstrNinjaGrl I *knew* it! in reply to RockstrNinjaGrl #
Try these campaign tactics in job interviews: "Why hire me? 'Cause the other guy eats puppies!" Just kidding! There are no jobs. #
@RockstrNinjaGrl Yeah? Yeah?!….and then?! in reply to RockstrNinjaGrl #
How low can we go? Okay, this is more than far enough. http://t.co/H5UhccMv #
We're rollin'/we're tumblin,/hollow men are stumpin' ….http://t.co/BFbxeorw #
Hey, actors in commercials whispering about your great deal, A TV spot is a lousy vehicle for keeping a secret. #
I assume Curiosity is on instagram. #
Is Second Life still around, and if so, is it leaking? http://t.co/c1l9oeTi #
Having a brainsquall. Ready? Effigy pinantas! #
Thought for the day… http://t.co/EeyYvu9a #
RT @GrupGirl: First Official Trailer for Kathryn Bigelow’s Bin Laden Manhunt Movie Zero Dark Thirty: http://t.co/Y7jH3zYf | Not 'til Dec! #
Were it not for the Chinese manufacturing quality, I probably never would have considered writing an online review of a toilet seat. #
I like that the NASA guys were all dressed like Post Apartments landscapers. #
@CalEvans In the world where drivers can't read? in reply to CalEvans #
Edy's slow churned yogurt blends. MMmm. You can really taste the… slow? #
back*packs*…http://t.co/jTeoIWNW #
@adchick22 I salute you, brave frontierwoman! in reply to adchick22 #
On a car the axelrod is the part that tells both wheels to turn left so a middle-of-the-road driver is forced to tolerate a ditch, right? #
This campaign has the feel of a one-hit -wonder band trying to stage a reunion tour. "Tuesday afternoon at the Airport Sheraton!" #
Thinking of installing a Genesis framework wordpress theme and not blathering on and on about it. #
Everyone wants to be unique until they realize the amount of conversational dead air it causes. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-08-05

fred — Sun, 05 Aug 2012 22:52:00 +0000

Heard of a guy who got a job with GE. They gave him a company car: Chevy Volt. So now we know a little more about who buys those things. #
Met a vampire wearing this last night, and we had a lengthy conversation about irony. http://t.co/KgRt9SjP #
@HanaBanana486 Never would have guessed. I salute your commitment to scheduled preventive maintenance! in reply to HanaBanana486 #
RT @BenInNy: @everysandwich True, you don't want a semicolon in your | @BenInNy 4.879 out of 5 grammarians and physicians agree. #
@HanaBanana486 I have to know the brand now. in reply to HanaBanana486 #
Yeah, semicolon in a tweet. I just did that. Better there than in an abdominal cavity. #
People who have to smile to bring the lips level, they have stories; some they want to tell you, others they want to forget. #
@HanaBanana486 IGood attitude. You're rolling through this world on the fat side of the cargo and cupholder equation, so let them laugh! in reply to HanaBanana486 #
@HanaBanana486 Well, there's a good chance that driving a vehicle into the ground is a badge of honor for the vehicle and the owner. in reply to HanaBanana486 #
Changed the oil just to let my old truck it will be working 'til the day it dies, like me. Then we hugged and cried a little. #
My spirit animal is killing this lawn. #
"In the middle of changing your oil? How about some rain?" — Mother Nature #
Since the main task is not smiling, the last 4 years have trained many of us for work in the Royal Guard or as on-duty secret service. #
Since the main task is not smiling, the last 4 years have trained many of us work in the Royal Guard or as on-duty secret service. #
Somewhere, maybe Arkansas, I bet Ebeneezer married Florence and they're referred to as Eb and Flo. #
Aww, I'm always the last to know …http://t.co/iMws9U6O #
Mr. Reid. I can't accept that the IRS let *anyone* who made money not pay taxes for 10 years. Collecting taxes is the only thing we do well #
RT @Elifcello: I'm stuck to the couch. I think I'm half woman half sofa now. Just call me a wofa. | Somewhere a Mofa eyes you but can't move #
Drinking yet? Good! Now go ignore all impulse control and buy one of my songs. http://t.co/Qly9esQD #
Sure, you know that to weigh in on gay marriage you eschew or eat chicken, but did you know to protest daylight savings you don't vaccum? #
Sure, you know that weigh in on gay marriage you eschew or eat chicken, but did you know to protest daylight savings you don't vaccum? #
Man, I hope if it ever comes up I don't confuse "Run, hide, fight" with "rock, paper, scissors." #
If I had to guess, I'd say things are probably pretty slow in North Creek. http://t.co/FNBi2deo #
"If you're going to do something, make it matter," intoned the HP commercial. So I immediately came to twitter. #
What a weird jobs report. There are more jobs and more people without them. #
In case you thought I was kidding. http://t.co/njpto3iO #
Wises thing I ever heard an AE say: Age means getting bigger, hairier and closer to the ground. #
If you ever want to see a Chick-fil-A look like a Subaru used car lot, today's the day! #
When you don't bether to correct your twitter typos, in twitter's world, is that victory or surrender? #
"Watch video?" I dunno, that's a little *too* public for me. http://t.co/rUZ1kONe #
I suspect there's something broken with global economics when my dog's *treats* originate an ocean away. #
If I had to pick someone to model a school marm outfit, I guess I'd pick Harry Reid. #
@lanyardquirk An italian sandwich in the history can mimic all those possibilities. in reply to lanyardquirk #
@CharlieDaniels In the late 70s I interviewed you for a local rag about a fishing tourney. Always remembered how nice and everyman you were. in reply to CharlieDaniels #
Sounds like more minors that usual in our national anthem in London. #
Hey Washington, wife just got a 20% pay cut thanks to a change in business due to amedicare issues, so, thanks! Also, go to hell. #
http://t.co/lV4Uh9PY This is the pic that was supposed to go with that last tweet. #
Here's a job challenge. http://t.co/59hAdPdg "Are our sharks still vicious and hungry? You'll have to come back to find out!" #
Since "mortgage" means "gauge of death" I'm wondering if a reverse mortgage is the key to eternal life. #
In the Republican veepstakes, Bob McDonnell an excellent chin. But then Chris Christie has *two* so, I dunno… #
@lanyardquirk That and the relentlessly cheery music in advertising. Stop the ukuleles! They can't save us now. in reply to lanyardquirk #
RT @HeyHosey: Found an image of a random stranger on my toast today. | Maybe it's only random to you. I'll ask around. #
So, um, how come everything tastes like chicken but eggs? #
With the turmoil in the world and governments printing money, my dog chose to move her IRA assets into chew toys. http://t.co/Bj5nuJ2o #
The Twitter political index. Just let that concept percolate a minute, then I'll meet you in Catatonia and we can forget to blink. #
Hey, Rahm Emanuel, Is there an interactive quiz somewhere that will tell me what city I'm allowed to live in? Thanks! #
@TheBlessMess Your aim is terrible. Practice, practice! in reply to TheBlessMess #
Nano's been in the cough syrup again. He says the lyrics to this will be about putty and soffits. http://t.co/mYMn0dIF #
Court rules against DOJ: "…the Obama Justice Department is run by individuals who have a problem telling the truth,” http://t.co/4d6Gunsg #
Workin' on "Who Framed Colin Farrell?" http://t.co/kLa2OAOv #
Waiting for a TV-size tablet you swipe with a long stick from the couch. #
Who wants to spin this trend? http://t.co/XbItawCN #
Who's got an itch only a continuing resolution can scratch!…hello? #
Designing a protoestwear ensemble called "The Flounce." #
Amazon re-ordered the tracks for my album, reasons unknown. http://t.co/kMTUCa8j As you know, due to the commerce clause, you must buy it #
@lanyardquirk I like that, but how about replacing "hot, horrible blood" with "nourishing, oxygen-rich viscosity?" in reply to lanyardquirk #
Well, at least most of us are on the same page. http://t.co/dB4ZJexI #
@RockstrNinjaGrl Please video tape that for us. in reply to RockstrNinjaGrl #
A tree just fell in the forest. You'll just have to take my word for it. #
@zoneviii It's the mask of someone who's just *seen* Jason Voorhees. in reply to zoneviii #
RT @TrumptonFireman: One ring to graffiti them all… Banksy? http://t.co/FvLlPMFR | Easy to catch one-legged culprit! #
Never used these guys, but they seem to know exactly what they're doing. http://t.co/02X1zJx9 Can only guess cost 'til ya call, though #
Maybe we'll get the source of these security leaks in the credits of that bin laden flick. Does SAG cover leakers? #
If my old truck weren't bound for the junk yard, I'd paint it Kenmore Avocado. #
Didn't know that's Tim Allen reading the Chevy spots. Somehow there was a thicker veneer of gravitas when I was unaware. #
Phrase to ponder: "… he said in a statement." #
I'm up against the wall. Correction: I'm merged with the wall. The mortar itches. Shit, here comes a dude with a spray can… #
MT @TheThryll: Hey Texas comedy-ish types! Know any places in Houston or Austin where a scamp like me could get some stage time Thank$ #
I want the job of the guy at Sam's Club who decides where things go during a remodel. Olive oil in the detergent aisle? Genius! #
When people doubt that anything's possible in this country, I march them to PetSmart and show them the Martha Stewart poop bags. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-07-29

fred — Sun, 29 Jul 2012 22:52:00 +0000

Woot! Made a sale of my album on itunes, so, yeah, pretty pumped. http://t.co/Fa7oJuf1 …Oh, it was my *sister?* Press release retracted. #
Stared at the mac beachball long enough today to have it morph into the opening of "Time Tunnel." http://t.co/jHqKgWZV #
"Under Oregon law, all water is publicly owned." http://t.co/S6mroTQY . The human body is 60% water. Your torso needs to come with us. #
Obama is putting out a spot focusing on the positives. It's about as long as the legal copy on a mortgage spot. #
RT @maddyalou: Moved my expectations from low to none and now anything is a nice surprise. #
Guys, here's some chivalry! When you take your date to dinner, before she can take a bite of her entree, cover it in Sensa for her. #
If I ever go to London again, remind me not to repeat what I read in the papers. #
"you don’t want to think about what the music is telling you." http://t.co/A2i4Zzva #
"U.S. earnings now seen falling in third-quarter, first time in three years…" Citizenry next steps: sigh, nap. #
They should adjust these gold spots for the times. "My dad said buy land. I did very well. But now it's time to hoard store brand snacks…" #
Good News: I've figured out how to slow time to a crawl. Bad News: it's by doing planks #
"…there was a lot of talk about advertising and branding." Isn't there always? http://t.co/D9cNK6Lr #
MT @GarySinise: Hey Ohio! Come See Gary Sinise & LT Dan Band August 16 for wounded warrior Kyle Hockenberry. Go to: http://t.co/1TAp6vrT #
"I am utterly distraught that Mr. Happy navigated to the incorrect docking station…" — 1st draft public apologies #
Oh, another mac OS upgrade, you say? Which of my applications will become useless with this one, I wonder. #
@greggutfeld How can Beckel say he mourns his classic porn collection and not know "bowchicawowow?" How long ago did he lose it? The porn. #
I try to end every conversation with "Okay, thanks. Don't leave town." #
The limitations of "Like." http://t.co/2gLVmFE3 #
In hindsight, it's clear cargo shorts were the gateway garment to men's capris. Never again! #
I'm a little concerned about the health and welfare of Sarah Silverman's dog. #
"inadvertently overlooked" http://t.co/z6TCmNMN #
@NolteNC typo "sucks up" in reply to NolteNC #
Acronymony — what's the ROI? #
"I do not know a single artist who does not run on that fuel.” http://t.co/4hdSVwrP #
Emerging science says I need more mustard. #
To make this support call more interesting, let's call "click" "lick" and "desktop" "nipple."…Hello? #
The "check it out" threat level has been reduced to cul-de-sac beige, but stay vigilant. http://t.co/UjDSwVNn #
"Nearly all of Greenland's ice sheet surface melts" — News responsible for at least 388 horrendous sci-fi scripts. #
Today's fun public activity: with an emotionless expression, scan the area and talk into the top of your wrist. Coiled earpiece optional. #
What does is say about the world or us if our favorite stories are the ones that probably aren't true? #
Rehearsing for being a political talking head by shaking my head "no" as others talk. #
There's too much good music out there. I'll fix that! http://t.co/Qly9esQD #
Babelfish, let me show you my "skeptical" eye. http://t.co/pP1yAwxq #
Always fun to walk into a coworkers office, pick up an empty coffee cup with a pencil, frown, drop it in a bag, & write on it as you leave. #
I used to sweat weekends at the agency papering the walls with taglines. In other words, wasted my life. http://t.co/E296bQYo #
Saw an anthropomorphized room thermostat named "Thermy" today, so I can cross *that* off the bucket list. #
Aw… He's movin' on up….http://bit.ly/NUjhuV #
This looks like a fun job for someone. http://t.co/cKcXMrrG #
"The Big Hands People" http://t.co/Y68aTt1K #
Cleese on creativity. Very nice. http://t.co/IGJhd5Oe #
RT @ayelienne: Air Force One just passed by… http://t.co/NYBm2Pj9 | Close one! #
@dustbury Sorry, not yet, but keep dreaming the dream! in reply to dustbury #
Correction. My happy place was not rezoned to Light Miffed. The technical designation is "Miffed Use." We regret the error. #
"The dictionary defines 'unimaginative' as the device I've chosen to begin this presentation…" #
Usage note: The phrase is "nooks and crannies," not "nooks and *grannies." Easy mistake to make. #
"Requires 'like?" I wanted to hear "Can't Stop the Music," but I can't *start* it without liking? http://t.co/cbWU6s6v #rubbedwrong #
Oh, FFS. http://t.co/jhlDylC7 #
Dammit, my happy place was rezoned to light miffed. #
@zoneviii Hah! Maybe she'll get you a t-shirt for Christmas. Or if she doesn't, maybe Aunt Mary will! in reply to zoneviii #
MT @subjectobject: A comedian we know was a victim in the Colorado shootings – his family needs help. Please RT: http://t.co/JY5rZUFZ #
@TDAmeritradePR Good call, and nice job being aware and nimble. in reply to TDAmeritradePR #
@jetpacks You're opted-in for your convenience! How thoughtful! in reply to jetpacks #
This would work great with either madonna karaoke performances or as a requirement for filibusters. http://t.co/mgPcnwt3 #
There are 8 million stories in the Naked City. And 20 million songs in Amazon mp3 downloads. Two burritos in the fridge. #
Is @brianross writing headlines for the Sacramento Bee now? http://t.co/GavfZSAr #
Google's made a lot of progress, but clearly there's plenty of work still to do. http://t.co/yelvkX5E #
A little disappointed I can't find a jam band called "Maynard G. Krebs" #
Dear OSHA: What is a safe distance to stand from someone flossing, ideally by zip code? #
In choosing between being a charlatan or flim-flam man, remember, charlatans have better wardrobes. #
I got a girl named Rama Lama Ding Dong. She's observing Ramadan at the Ramada. #
Some would just surrender, but they're afraid to learn the world wouldn't notice the difference. #
@mtlb Is that a cupcake? And if so, am I to believe it was Michelle-approved? in reply to mtlb #
Having a hard time processing legal lines in a presidential context. http://t.co/WFMOEXo8 #
Would like a desktop app that looks like this http://t.co/hZ7NV6V2 to route messages to the endless social media outlets #
High? Drunk? Complete lack of impulse control? Good! Go buy my album or parts of it. http://t.co/Qly9esQD #
http://bit.ly/SPaj5x I have a hard time believing it takes *4 years* to learn to fly a drone. #
@zoneviii Distracted: Because sometimes clumsy just isn't enough. in reply to zoneviii #