pp3narratorrough Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
[bottom] ACT ONE
ESTABLISHING MONTAGE-- EXT. AND INT. OFFICE BUILDING --DAWN.
Sequence of NARRATOR'S POV taking the elevator to the office
of the empty ad agency. Past the logo festooned lobby,
personalized workstations, a conference room, on his way to a
hidden office with an old Selectric typewriter.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is the Atlanta office of David,
Charles and Barry advertising, where a
family of eccentrics and hucksters
struggle to get by -- and to get you
to buy stuff. I'm employee Y598. I
was fired five years ago, but due to a
paperwork glitch I still get paid.
Over the decades everyone who's worked
here has said at least once, "this
place is a sitcom." So on the off
chance they're right, every work day I
come sit at my secret and secure
Selectric to tell their stories -- of
a world that revolves around
advertising, and where life feels like
Product Placement.
CUT TO:
INT. SMALL MARKET -- MORNING
DAVID puts a pack of gum and a Snapple on the counter. KAI
CHING mans the register.
KAI
Good morning. You come here often.
DAVID
That's right.
KAI
We exchange pleasantry. What your
name?
DAVID
David, why?
KAI
Relationship management. Full name and
phone number.
DAVID
Oh, uh, no -- I just got out of a
relationship. Just the gum and
Snapple.
KAI
That cool.
Kai adds items on register.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is David Lawrence, copywriter.
He'd graduated college as an idealist
in search of truth.
FLASHBACK: EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS --DAY
A tweedy PROFESSOR walks with David, counseling him.
PROFESSOR
True, your liberal arts degree won't
get you a job, but it will give you
the background to understand why.
Never forget that.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
So David pursued truth in the most
likely profession he could think of.
Journalism -- at a small town paper.
FLASHBACK: INT. SMALL TOWN NEWSROOM -- DAY
David photographs an old FARMER posing with an oddly shaped
and newsworthy vegetable.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Then, after a quick turn at selective
truth, in the form of political PR...
FLASHBACK: EXT. STAGE AT VICTORY RALLY -- DAY
David stands on stage behind a POLITICIAN at a victory rally.
COPS arrest and cuff politician, then cuff a stunned David.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
David gave up on truth and took a job
writing advertising.
Back to present:
DAVID
So, what's your name. I mean, you know
mine, so...
KAI
I thought you not ready for
relationship. Now you want to opt in?
Name Kai Ching.
SFX: Ka-ching (as Kai hits total on the register.)
DAVID
(LAUGHS)
KAI
You laugh at Kai? That not
relationship!
DAVID
No, no. I was laughing at the
register. It went "ka-ching," like
your name. That would be a great ad
for your store, but I'm not laughing
at you.
KAI
It true. You always hurt the one you
love.
DAVID
No, no, no hurt. Just Snapple and gum.
KAI
Kai move too fast. You not ready for
relationship. Is that okay with Kai?
Maybe. Does Kai want more? Certainly.
Will you pay me $2.79 now. Oh, yes.
Kai and David finish the transaction.
DAVID
Thanks.
David opens the door to leave.
KAI
I wait for you!
CUT TO:
INT AD AGENCY,VILLAGE GREEN COMMON AREA --MORNING
JENNIFER reads and eats breakfast at her desk as David
arrives for work. An award statuette sits on her desk.
DAVID
Hey, Jennifer. What's in Cosmo?
JENNIFER
(with mouth full) Fuhrtin.
SUPER: Jennifer Kennedy, employee Y623
DAVID
What's that? Something deviant?
JENNIFER
Flirting.
DAVID
Never heard of it.
JENNIFER
I know. It's about flirting with
double entendres, but I might have to
nap in the ladies room before I finish
it. I was out real late.
DAVID
Well, you'll feel better once you
finish that sausage biscuit.
JENNIFER
Yeah, I always perk up once I get some
pork in me. (BEAT)
DAVID
Keeping my Addy award all shiny, I
see.
JENNIFER
Lloyd hates it when you get your
fingerprints all over it.
DAVID
What makes him think it should go in
his office? He was on vacation when we
did this job.
JENNIFER
No. He was on holiday. Poor people go
on vacation. It's his department, so
he thinks it's his award. He needs the
validation.
DAVID
I'm just going to steal it back. Where
is he?
JENNIFER
He's getting coffee. I'm not a
waitress.
CUT TO:
INT. AGENCY BREAK ROOM -- MORNING
LLOYD tries to fill a coffee cup while the machine is still
brewing.
SUPER: Lloyd Farbi, employee A21
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Lloyd had been with the conglomerate
Interpublicom Global, owner of the
agency, since they were Intrapublicom
30 years ago. And though he'd never
won the awards that would earn him a
spot in New York, Lloyd knew things,
some of which he still remembered. So
he'd been paid well as corporate
shuffled him to the most harmless
shops in the system.
Lloyd returns to the village green area on the way to his
office, stirring his coffee.
LLOYD
Jennifer. Remember that lunch I took
you to a while back? What was that
for? I need to expense it.
JENNIFER
Administrative assistant's day. It was
yesterday.
LLOYD
Yes, right. The pate was fabulous.
Lloyd looks at the Addy statuette, then at David, and
retreats to his office. DUNBAR STEVENS, on his way to his
office, stops to talk with DAVID.
DUNBAR
Oh, David. Come see me. We need to
show Lloyd something on the kids' ad
this week. I have some ideas, but you
need to flush them out. Or is it flesh
them out?
SUPER: Dunbar Stevens, employee Y666
DAVID
If they're your ideas I'd go with
flush.
DUNBAR
Whatever. You're the writer. See me.
Dunbar crosses off.
LLOYD (O.S.)
Jennifer, do you have the receipt from
our secretary's day lunch?
JENNIFER
It's taped to your chair.
LLOYD (O.S.)
Oh, here it is. (BEAT) Jennifer?
What's your last name?
JENNIFER
Kennedy.
LLOYD (O.S.)
That's right. Thanks, Jackie.
David sticks his head in Harry's office.
DAVID
What do you got?
Harry lifts his drawing pad and displays a sketch of a
pergola.
HARRY
A pergola. It's the transition from my
side yard to the backyard. And what is
life but a transition to be
celebrated?
DAVID
That's nice, but I was thinking of the
Happy Kingdom board.
HARRY
Oh, that.
Harry holds up a storyboard and points to frames in rapid
succession.
HARRY (CONT'D)
Music, music, music, music, music,
logo, snappy closer. Your words were
in the way. Like jaywalkers.
DAVID
That should cut down on the rewrites.
I gotta see Dunbar.
HARRY
Have fun with that. I'll be here for
grief counseling.
David starts to walk off but stops as Harry adds...
HARRY (CONT'D)
Watch your six. We have visitors.
(OMINOUSLY) They're here to help.
DONNA sits in her office and furtively tucks something away
in her desk drawer as David arrives at her door.
DAVID
Good morning, Donna.
Donna turns to greet David, unaware of her enormous Maalox
moustache. She wears a short arm cast.
SUPER: Donna Lutz, employee V434
DONNA
Hey! It is a good morning, isn't it?
So many challenges and opportunities.
We got the kids' ad, Happy Kingdom...
DAVID
And visitors from the New York office.
DONNA
Great. My ulcer needs company. But for
the record, those aren't people.
People don't steal your future right
out from under your nose.
DAVID
Yeah, about that "under your nose"
thing. You got some antacid or
something...
DONNA
(wiping away the residue) (bleep) it,
(bleep) it! (bleep) it. Thank you.
(bleep) it!
They're here to steal a big assignment
from our beverage friends,
Alternative media. The client told me
about it at Camp Cola.
FLASHBACK: EXT. SHEER CLIFF FACE -- DAY
Donna from a rappelling rig, in conversation with the female
CLIENT.
CLIENT
...so with digital recorders, people
are skipping right through the
commercials. We need new ways to
target consumers. Outside the box
stuff. Old media is dead.
Client continues her controlled descent out of frame. Donna
holds her head in dismay, releasing the rope and plunging
from frame.
Back to present:
Quick cut of Dunbar eavesdropping through the wall.
DONNA
We need new ways to target consumers.
Outside the box stuff. Old media is
dead.
DAVID
We can rebuild it. We have the
technology...
DONNA
We'd better.
Donna tosses David a small, flat device. He examines it
curiously.
DONNA (CONT'D)
It's a proximity triggered audio chip.
You get too near it and it talks to
you.
DAVID
Oh, like a Dunbar.
DONNA
(off device) No, that thing will shut
up after ten seconds. But it's the
kind of thinking we need. If New York
wins this, we won't make our numbers.
David looks at Donna quizzically.
CRIBBY
(CROSSING ON) That means no (bleep)
bonuses. Now,goddamit, if we can't
make our numbers when we charge a
commission on our own (bleep)
commission, we don't deserve to be
called (bleep) advertising people.
Cribby storms off to his office.
DAVID
We get bonuses?
CRIBBY (O.S.)
Management gets bonuses. You get a
(bleep) company picnic and discount
parking.
DONNA
Just clear the decks and think outside
the box. We present Friday.
David nods and walks away down the hall.
DONNA (O.S.) (CONT'D)
And watch your six.
David enters Dunbar's office and sits beside his desk, on
which are stacks of art reference books with post-it markers
in the pages.
DUNBAR
Don't you ever knock?
DAVID
When you can draw a door, I'll knock
on it.
DUNBAR
I'm an art director. I don't have to
draw.
DAVID
Well, I'm a writer, and I have to
write.
DUNBAR
Yeah, you blew it on career fair day.
Dunbar slides an open book towards David.
DUNBAR (CONT'D)
I thought we'd do something like this.
DAVID
This is an illustration of the levels
of hell. We're doing an ad for a kids'
rag.
DUNBAR
Don't be so literate. Just write
something for that style. Smooth
words, like the airbrush.
DAVID
Well what's the illustration going to
be of?
DUNBAR
You tell me, Ideaguy. The client will
probably make us show the product, but
I can make it legal line tiny, almost
invisible. So give me edgy. This could
roll out into bobbleheads. I'm
serious.
DAVID
Oh, I know.
DUNBAR
Think breakthrough.
MUSIC: (IN DAVID'S HEAD.) intro drums from Led Zeppelin's
"Rock n' Roll" as used by Cadillac.
DUNBAR (CONT'D)
And let me present. You blow.
David walks to Harry's office and settles in.
DAVID
Donna has a make-or-break job for us.
We need new ways to advertise. I
swear, there are days when I think
advertising will consume the world.
David takes a big drink from his Snapple.
HARRY
Consume or accent, like wisteria on a
pergola?
Harry displays his sketch of a wisteria adorned pergola.
Reveal Harry wearing a Snapple T-shirt.
HARRY (CONT'D)
What are you playing with?
DAVID
Donna gave me this audio chip thing.
(READING) To record press and hold
mode until flashing...(SIGHS) I miss
analog.
SFX: Phone ring and pickup.
JENNIFER (O.S.)
Just a moment. Lloyd, line one.
Harry grabs an empty Starbuck's cup and removes the lid.
DAVID
Brownie frapuccino?
HARRY
Venti. It was like a party in my
mouth.
DAVID
Why does it have to be "venti?" Why
can't you say "extra large?"
HARRY
Why would I do that? It's the one part
of the day when I feel Italian.
Harry rolls his chair back to the wall, places the cup
against it and listens. He's done this before.
HARRY (CONT'D)
It's corporate.
DAVID
I thought they were in jail.
HARRY
Those were just indictments.
Harry stops eavesdropping.
HARRY (CONT'D)
That's it. A big assignment, our New
York friends, and now this. I'm
raising the alert level from fuscia to
eggplant.
Lloyd exits his office, stops by Jennifer's desk and strides
to the door of Harry's office.
LLOYD
Jackie, you should hear this, too. New
York corporate wants me to fly up
there Friday to accept a lifetime
achievement award.
JENNIFER
You're not going to wear that
turtleneck, are you?
LLOYD
This isn't a turtleneck. It's a
dickey.
JENNIFER
So that's a dickey?
Lloyd shows Jennifer the flap of the dickey.
JENNIFER (CONT'D)
It's a tiny little thing.
DAVID
You're getting an award of your own.
That's great.
HARRY
But we have a big dog and pony Friday.
LLOYD
Oh, get Dunbar to present. He's
killer.
DARCIA (O.S.)
And speaking of presentations...
All peer into the village green area, where DARCIA MADDOX
stands. Lloyd approaches her.
DARCIA (CONT'D)
Darcia Maddox. Riverridge films. We
had a ten o'clock?
LLOYD
Yes, yes. Well, you can show your reel
right here. I'll collect the staff.
People, let's take a time out for a
screening in the village green.
No one shows. Harry takes the audio chip from David,
examining it to pass the time.
LLOYD (CONT'D)
(TO DARCIA) This area's modeled after
the village greens in Europe, where I
spent much of my career.
DARCIA
Aren't they usually outdoors?
LLOYD
Well, in old Europe, yes. People, she
brought gifts.
The creative staff quickly assembles.
DARCIA
Well, I guess I'd better start with a
gift, then. Now, Riverridge has over
fourteen directors so there's always
some of our work on the air somewhere.
And lately we've had a lot of fun with
a certain well known travel company.
Darcia pulls Travelocity's ROAMING GNOME from a bag. The
staff applauds and laughs.
DARCIA (CONT'D)
And he says he wants to belong to...
Various staffers raise their hands and call for it, but
Darcia hands it to David.
DARCIA (CONT'D)
Take care of him now, and he'll take
care of you. (WHISPERING) I'll be in
town for a few weeks.
David sees Darcia's card with a hand-written phone number
taped to the Roaming Gnome. He puts the card in his coat
pocket.
DARCIA (CONT'D)
(TO ALL) But don't worry, I have more
gifts after the reel, including really
big cookies and really big T-shirts.
And remember, we're very involved with
new media, so whatever the job, it's
worth it to bid Riverridge.
Darcia inserts 3/4 videotape into machine.
ROAMING GNOME (O.S.)
You are due for a holiday. Just look
at you.
David looks to the Roaming Gnome, then to Darcia, who smiles.
DARCIA
Could you get the lights?
DAVID stands motionless. HARRY turns off the lights.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
And as the lights went down, Harry and
Donna realized that Lloyd's award was
corporate's way of sabotaging the big
meeting...
Donna pulls the flask from her blazer and takes a swig,
leaving a Maalox residue.
NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
...while Dunbar schemed to get into
bed with the New York team -- and
Darcia. And David worried that he was
hearing voices -- from a spokesgnome.
Cut to full screen title: Riverridge Commercial reel.
FADE OUT.
Insert actual commercial pod.
FADEIN FROM
BLACK.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT II
INT OFFICE --DAY
SUPER: Thursday
David sits at his desk. Outside his window he sees a
billboard of Kai Ching giving a thumbs up. Headline: Kai
Ching means value!
GNOME
You really do need a holiday, you
know.
DAVID
I'm a little stressed.
GNOME
Well, yes. You're chatting with a
gnome, after all.
DAVID
I have to present a kids' ad to my
boss and tomorrow there's a do-or-die
pitch. I'm awful at presenting. It's
making me lose my hair.
GNOME
Oh, I disagree.
DAVID
You think I'm a good presenter?
GNOME
Oh, dear no. But you're not losing
your hair. As you age you'll grow more
elsewhere - ears, eyebrows - and
likely on your whoopsydaisy.
DAVID
I'm not comforted.
GNOME
It's quite inevitable. But we can do
something about your presentation
skills. Do you ask and answer your own
questions?
DAVID
The grocery guy did that to...
GNOME
No. Should you learn?
DAVID
Well, I guess...
GNOME
Absolutely. Is it a crafty way to
filibuster while simulating
conversation?
DAVID
(pointing) Yes.
GNOME
Yes! But don't point. It's far too
threatening, like a dagger. Instead
place your thumb over your closed fist
and shake.
David practices the gesture.
DAVID
I can do that.
GNOME
That's it! Like a truncheon, beating
your point into their cursed, dim,
skulls. Mix that with a little touch,
turn, and talk and Bob's your uncle.
And one more thing. Stop having ideas.
DAVID
Sorry?
GNOME
Ideas get shot down, but style and
fluff, well, you can't shoot down
smoke, can you?
DAVID
That sounds like Dunbar.
GNOME
Friend of yours?
DAVID
My nemesis.
GNOME
Then you'll be fighting fire with
fire. Beat him at his own game. And
when you're done, for heaven's sake
man, take a vacation.
CUT TO:
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.